


Why?

by Raw_ravioli



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Heartache, I just wrote it all at once, It's a letter, M/M, Questions, but like not angst, it's short, sorry - Freeform, this gonna be semi-sad, yeet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-14 21:02:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17515847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raw_ravioli/pseuds/Raw_ravioli
Summary: Tweek feels a distance growing between him and Craig, and the only way for him to confront his uncertainty, is to write him a letter spilling everything he's felt recently.The whole story is just a collection of letters Tweek writes to Craig telling him all of his questions he wish he had the courage to ask in person, and vice versa.





	1. A letter from Tweek

Craig,

 

It’s been three weeks of emptiness. It felt as if one day everything reversed. From daily conversations filled with laughter, and texts sent nearly every hour to... _static_. Nothing. Just three weeks ago we held our last conversation that consisted of more than a few syllables. What had happened? I wish, more than anything, I knew. We went from whispering behind our teacher’s back our plans of the weekend together, to making slight eye contact in class and quickly glancing the other way. The small texts we would send to lift the others spirit seemed to vanish out of thin air.

Twenty-one days have gone by without seeing you the way I used to. Every one of those days I questioned myself endlessly; _why_? Why do you suddenly ignore me when I smile your way? Why do you open my texts without responding like you use to? Why do you answer every question with only a yes, or a no? Why can’t I take the initiative and ask you myself instead of letting it eat me alive?

The hardest part of all of this is that I don’t know how it happened. On Sunday we were two peas in a pod, talking about our excitement for the new semester to start (and end). On Monday, you hardly glanced my way, making my anxiety bubble up in ways it hadn’t since finals. When I forced out, “How was your break?” and “Ready to get back into the school routine?” you looked at me like a stranger and seemed to only be able to respond with “good” or “yes”.

Maybe I’m mostly hurt because I seem to be the only one receiving this treatment. Maybe if you acted differently at lunch I would understand, but you don’t. You still hold conversations with our friends and laugh with them the way we used too. Yet, when I join in the conversation, adding in my own joke or comment, you go silent again and turn away. I’m left to only ask myself once again; _Why_?

I’ve tried to text you, to ask you that one simple word, however each time I start my hands shake so much I need to stop. I hate confrontation, you’ve known it long enough to persuade me to get over small embarrassing moments, so why is now any different? Why do I suddenly feel so different? What emotions am I feeling? 

I’m not even mad if that’s what you think. I don’t think I could ever be mad at someone for longer than two days, I’d like to say I’m a sweet, kind, and gentle. After all, those are things you’ve called me before. Maybe I’m just passive aggressive. I want an answer to so many things, yet I fear to receive them from you, so I’ll hint it your way around our close friends. I wonder if you notice my hope for a resolution to this conflict, but I doubt so.

I could be upset with you, I could also not be. Any negative emotions I have sticks out more than elephant inside a flamingo exhibit. An odd comparison, but still an honest and real one. I don’t enjoy being upset with people and if I am I typically flat-out express to them the reasoning I feel that way towards them. Yet with you, I can’t. It’s funny because I’m an emotional and caring person who wants to be on everyone's good page and make sure that I can work through any issues I have with them, but with and only you, I’m afraid to admit these things. Why? Why can’t I simply tell you, the person who has seen me at my emotional peaks, the way your sudden absence in my life makes me feel so upset and empty. Why do I feel empty? Why should one person, you, _make me feel so damn empty?_

Thinking this through I think my reasoning for not expressing these feelings to you is confusion. I don’t understand any of this, and I don’t want to understand any of this. I want for things to be the way it was, three weeks ago, when we were close and happy. I’m confused at what made things change for us, and I want I’m confused if I want to know the answer to this change.

Did I say or do something wrong? If so, what? I want to talk it through like we always do, but how can I talk to you when you're as silent as a wall? Did I somehow hurt you enough for you to ignore me? I wish I knew what actions I did to cause this shift in behavior. If there something I could do to take it back, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Is there any chance I’m thinking of this from the wrong perspective? Do you see it as me ignoring you, and you’re the one clinging on and attempting to hold us back together? Maybe I should have tried sooner to engage in conversation or look for any chances that may have been you trying to speak to me.

Perhaps I’m overthinking all of this. Perhaps we’re growing out of each other and I somehow missed it only till now. Perhaps this was supposed to happen, and only now is it hitting me like a bus. Perhaps this is a mishap that formed in my thoughts, and I’m making it all up.

Whatever the reasoning is, or whatever the answer is, I’ll be ready to hear it. Maybe you won’t even respond, and if so I think your silence answers enough for the both of us. I hope you make your decision to respond soon though, I don’t know how much longer my heart can handle waiting for what may be nothing. The outcome that comes from this, whether it means the end of us or a return to our old ways. Anything will be better than the current line that lies between the two drastic sides that we walk.

Until we find our solution, I’ll keep asking myself one thing for the both of us.

  
_Why?_

Tweek. 


	2. Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig responds with a letter of his own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a few comments telling me to write Craig's response and after awhile I finally did! I apologize for this taking so long I have been very busy with conditioning. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it ins't as good as the first one and I apologize but it isn't unbearable.

Tweek,

I got your letter a week ago, and I wasn’t sure how to respond. How can I respond to something so _emotional_? There’s one thing I struggle with the most and that’s communication. Often in the past, you teased me for lack of social skills and held a conversation for the both of us, something I still appreciate even now. I miss the simple things like that, me and you flowing together so simply, yet now we’re nothing just like you said. 

I suppose I should have started this off with _I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you the way that I did, I’m sorry for never expressing myself to you, and I’m sorry that it had to lead to this_. If you told me when we first got together it would end like this I would still do it again, and again.

The least I can do before it’s too late is explain how everything seemed to fall apart around us.

_I’m sorry that I stopped messaging you so abruptly._

I stopped texting you because you never responded. You were always busy working, which I don’t hold against you, but it caused a tear in my heart because you never seemed to set time away for me. I know it sounds selfish, but I missed seeing you all the time. When the year progressed you were more invested in working the shop than ever before, and I… I was left alone. I texted you constantly after your shift ended, but you never responded to how I would have liked. You texted me short simple replies to my questions, and would end the conversation saying “I’m tired and still have homework, I’ll talk to you in class tomorrow”. I may be bad with conversation but when I wanted you, needed you, my phone laid still.

When we did sit together everything felt so out place for me. Typically I would expect you to bundle up next to me at lunch but you slowly sat farther away and your attention turned to others that weren’t me. I contacted you one day when I knew you were free, but you pushed me out saying that you were exhausted. I wanted to question you, ask if that was the truth, or if you were trying to distance yourself from me. Only now do I realize I was selfish and ignoring how much your anxiety drains you at times. At that time, however, I was in my own head space and the only thing I desired as your attention, something I lost.

This seemed to go on for months, me trying to grasp unto you, but your schedule too full for any time with me. I began to question myself, _Do you love me as much as I love you?_ The answer to my question felt like a no. That was until I received your letter. At the point, my heart was already made up though. I believed that you were abandoning me for work and I accepted it before even asking you.

I only know now that you were never mad at me, but I foolishly believed that was how you felt. I told myself you were mad at me for frequently disrupting you at work, and now wouldn’t see me when you had the free time. Out of spite, I began to ignore you when you did reach out and seeked guidance from Clyde, another mistake that I blame for our situation.

I shouldn’t blame Clyde's shitty advice to just hang out with others and eventually, time would fix our situation itself. I know that the blame is on me for not taking the time to rationalize out the scene like I usually do, but instead rashly shift it all on you and your damn work schedule. This is what caused me to ignore you when you did text me.

_I’m sorry that I shut you out when you needed me the most._

I read every text you sent the following week, and I never responded because I didn’t know how. Should I have told you I was pissed because you seemed to never schedule time for us? Or should I have responded back and left all of that in the past? At that time I was too furious at you for only now trying to see me, instead of attempting when I first contacted you. Why did you wait so long to try to see me?

After contemplating your letter for a week I think I can finally answer your question. _Why_? I don’t think I feel the way I once felt about you. I don’t think I know how or why this all happened, all I know is that at some point I felt sick of never seeing you and I didn’t know how to deal with it. Why I never responded to you was because I was treating you the way that you treated me. With silence and neglect. 

Silence suits me best, but sometimes, I need to break that mold and express how I feel. Words don’t come to me as naturally as they do to you, however I hope my message stays.

_I’m sorry_ that I mistreated you, that my heart misguided me. _I’m sorry_ for never admitting any of these thoughts to you, that I could have prevented this, yet I never did. I hope you can forgive me, or at least not hate me for the pain I caused you.

I’ve been selfish enough but I want to ask you one more thing. What do we do now? I don’t know if we can go back to the way things were before, but do we still dare to try? Have we suffered enough to bear through this again and let this be a faint memory that heals over time, or do we let this be the finale to our relationship? Consider and decide because I can’t.

  
I know repeating myself won’t help but I’ll write it once more to hope you understand that I mean it more than anything else I’ve written.

  
_I’m so fucking sorry._

 

Craig. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's that! If you do want me to post a resolution third chapter, please let me know. Writing this was a bit more difficult for me but I think I managed to do it. Tell me what you think of it please! Have a good day and don't be dumb like these two boys. Please give a kudos if you did enjoy, it's what helps motivate me to write! Have a good day!!


	3. Good And Bad Resolutions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the, oh so amazing, POLAR VORTEX I've had the time to actually write this up. And to be honest. This was really difficult. It was hard for me to only put one clear cut response so I posted two. The first is the happy one, where things get fixed for them. The second is the negative one, where things don't quite end bright and positive.

_Resolution one_

Craig, 

Things have changed since we have last spoken and I still don’t understand what it all means, but there is one thing I’ve thought about for why this argument needs to end.

_Do I want to be with someone who may not want to be with me?_ This question is something we could both ask each other and the response may differ because I still don’t know if you want me or not. Perhaps let me ask you first, do you still want me? Or, Do I still want you?

My reply seems to be obvious; _yes_. Why would I even write my first letter to you, if I didn’t want to fix things? I hoped for so long that we could go back, that things could be fixed when I first wrote you, but deep down I knew that may not happen and I was prepared to get that outcome. 

Yet, I still feel the same. My answer hasn’t changed I would still open my arms for you if you were to run into them. So when you wrote to me if we should try to go back to how we were or should we let things end right here, my response seems to stand in the same place as before.

_I want to go back to you._ I want to heal things and fix what we once were. I want to believe this is a possibility because I know it is. We’ve fought and taken breaks from each other before, but each time we come back stronger and I know we’ll do it again now.

Although we’ve started to grow apart we can heal and start over. I can do more to fix things. I can ease off my work, schedule time for you, let you know ahead of time when I will be busy.

But it can’t just be me that will try to heal this. I can’t let you place all the blame on me, and for me to accept and do the heavy lifting to our solutions. I’ve bent backwards more times that you can imagine to make time for you or to do what you request. So if you want things to heal as much as I do you need to work for it as well.

_I want you to be rational._ By this, I mean that when a time comes when I need to cancel, or when I need time to myself, you will understand and ease off. Another thing that made this situation occur is that you can fix things by simply talking to me. I understand that communication isn’t always the easiest for you but you’re going to have to express your emotions for me somehow.

I can’t keep assuming how you’re feeling based off a text or a simple shrug. You need to express yourself more and let me know if you’re actually upset or just joking around. If you can’t do something as easy as telling me you’re mad or telling someone else how you feel instead of confronting me yourself, then we’re going to end up how we are right now once again. And if we do end up like this again, I won’t hesitate to reconsider a different ending.

_Are you willing to do these things for me?_ I know I’m ready to change and work hard to fix what we are, but if you can’t then what’s the point of me trying so hard? You may not like change, but sometimes change is necessary and right now it is.

If you’re still unsure if this is the right decision, I’ll answer one of your questions to persuade you.

_Do you love me as much as I love you?_ Reading those words caused my heart to tighten up. Of course, I still do. Why would write all of my emotions that have been swimming inside me for the past few weeks if I didn’t still love you with all my heart? The answer seems so clear to me. I never felt like my work was causing a ripple between us, I felt like you understood that I was a busy person and fought past that.

And maybe you didn’t then, but you do know. And that’s what matters. I can’t hold on to the past forever and I’ll look past your harsh silence as confusion and misunderstanding because that’s all it was.

I believe what will determine if we belong together still is if I answer my own question; _why_?

Why couldn’t I tell you how you made me feel? I was too upset with myself for feeling so broken. I have grown to be dependent on you and I was scared of losing that and I didn’t know what to do if it came down to that. I felt so empty because I felt _all the love I had for_ you _turn to bitterness and sadness,_ and I didn’t want things to ever end up with us ending what we were for each other. A piece of each other's heart, after all, we’ve been through so much we must be soulmates.

I’m done feeling sad and upset with you and I’m ready to lay out what I hope our future will be. _I want us_ to go back to how we were before, or at least get on the right path to do so. I’m ready to walk ahead into a new portion of our life and move past this. I want this time of when we ignored each other to be a lesson for how we learned from our mistakes and became something better. _I accept your apology and I want you to know that all of it is okay. I hope that we don’t grow apart as we did here._

 

**Here’s to a new us,**

Tweek. 

  


* * *

  
_Resolution two_  


Craig,

Things have changed since we have last spoken and I still don’t understand what it all means, but there is one thing I’ve thought about for why this argument needs to end.

_Do I want to be with someone who may not want to be with me?_ This question is something we could both ask each other and the response may differ because I still don’t know if you want me or not. Perhaps let me ask you first, do you still want me? Or, Do I still want you?

My reply seems to be obvious; _No_. Not anymore at least. When I wrote my first letter to you I wanted things to go back to how they were so bad and I was willing to change so much to fix myself for you, but deep down I knew that it may not be that easy to fix us and I was prepared for this outcome.

My answers have changed for a few reasons, why would I so easily open my arms up for you if you’re still hesitant to run into them? When you wrote to me asking if we should go back to how we were or should we let things end right here, my response changed in a way I think we both were expecting.

_Although I may want to go back to you, I can’t._ I can’t heal what we once were there doesn’t seem to be a point to us being together anymore. We’ve been fighting more and more often and I wish I could say we’ve come back stronger than before, but that’s not the case at all.

_We’ve started to go apart and we can’t fix that._ This isn't some romantic movie where I can change my work schedule for you, or set apart more time for you and everything will be repaired.

What would it change if I even did those things? It would only be me putting in a physical effort. In the past I’ve bent backwards more times than you can imagine making time for you, and it hasn’t helped before, so why on earth would it help now?

_I wish for once you could have for once been rational._ By this I mean when a time came when I had to cancel you shouldn’t have just groaned and been pissed off that I actually have more important things to do than sit at home with you. Another thing that made this situation occur is that you never talked to me. I understand your struggle with communication but that’s no excuse for how in the past but that’s no excuse for you just shutting me out because you don’t feel like talking things out like a normal person would.

I can’t keep assuming how you feel based off a simple text or a shrug. You should have actually expressed yourself more so I could have told when you were legitimately mad, or just joking around. You could never tell me if you were actually mad, you would just pull out the quiet card and I wouldn’t know till later how you actually felt when Clyde would show me all the shit you had to say.

_If I asked you to change I doubt you would be willing to change for me_. You don’t like change and I’m not willing to skip shifts or conform to your wants even if I love you. What would be the point of me changing to make you happy if I’m now unhappy with the outcome?

If you’re still unsure if this is the right decision, I’ll answer one of your questions to persuade you.

_Do you love me as much as I love you?_ Reading those words caused my heart to tighten up. A few weeks ago yes, but _not anymore_. Why would I have written all my emotions to you back then if that wasn’t the case? However, after I wrote all of that down I began thinking and the answer became so clear to me. I never felt like the fact I had to work cause a ripple between us, if you couldn’t even understand that I’m a busy person, then how could you actually understand the weight of the rest of your actions?

If you didn’t understand that then, then why the hell would you understand it now? And that’s what matters. For me to say the past doesn't matter would be a lie. It reflects who we once were and how we might behave in certain situations. Your silence may have been confusion or you were misunderstanding the situation, but that doesn’t matter to me. This shows that if I’m ever busy again you wouldn’t be able to understand and you would go back to ignoring me completely.

I believe what will determine if we belong together still is if I answer my own question; _why_?

Why couldn’t I tell you how you made me feel? _I was too mad_ at myself for breaking apart so easily. When I first wrote to you I was so dependent on our relationship I was mad at myself for doing something risky enough that could have destroyed it. Honestly, I was terrified of losing you and I didn’t know what I would do without you. But I’ve been without you for three weeks, and I’m realizing that things have been easier. I may have lost a part of my heart than, but I’ve regained it in taking the time to actually enjoy my other interest, that didn’t involve you.

I’m done feeling sad and upset with you and I’m ready to lay out what I hope our future will be. We don’t belong together anymore. There’s no path built large enough for both of us to be happy together, So I’m getting off that path and making my own. I’m ready to walk into a new portion of my life and move past this. Will I miss you? With all my heart. Will I regret this? I hope not. I may have once loved you enough to where I would have taken your letter and decided to fix things. But I can’t fix us. _I accept your apology but your behavior wasn’t okay. It’s time we grow apart._

 

**Here’s to a new us,**

Tweek. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnddd I finished this short! For many reasons writing this was very difficult for me, but it was a good way to help me face some of my problems, and the positive comments I got really helped me out so much! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read the past three chapters and I really hope you enjoyed this! 
> 
> I think it's kind of obvious which one of these was the original resolution I was going to put in, but after thinking it over I decided to write another one so that way there are two options or how this could have ended. Hopefully one of the endings satisfied you.

**Author's Note:**

> So here's the tea on why I wrote this. 
> 
> Basically one of my best friends has been acting really distant recently and I've been having trouble telling her how I feel about the way things are going between us, so I wrote down everything I've been feeling and it somehow became this. I didn't know how to tell my friend so I thought writing out a story would help get my thoughts out of the way, and honestly it really did. Tweek seemed like a character I could relate too and I decided to use him as an escape in this short story. 
> 
> If you do like this, and I wouldn't understand why, please give it a kudos! And please tell me your thoughts in the comments; good, bad, I want to know peoples opinions so I can learn how to actually write well.


End file.
